Questionable Faith

Have you ever questioned what faith really is?

I have.

A few years ago I was on my way home from church. Something the preacher said left me feeling unsettled, anxious and questionable as to what I really believed. I tried to think things out but the more I thought, the more I realized how under developed my faith was. What did I believe?

For the next few months I began to seek faith with a very questionable spirit. I made appointments with ministers, read books, and talked to anyone who would listen to me about the questions I had. One night in particular, I found myself in a spiritual pit, trying to figure out who God was.

Do you want to know what my problem really was?

I didn't know God.

I knew the church, I knew what books said and I knew opinions of others but I really didn't know God.

I began digging in the Word for answers to my questions. Over time, I began to see an incredible picture of who God really is: loving, kind, good and filled with so much grace I almost couldn't stand it. Slowly my perception of God began to change. It was no longer this skewed image of a man sitting on a giant throne casting down judgment through strikes of lighting with his scepter.

Today I am at the point where God's given me a sense of belonging even when I'm rejected by the entire world. He's given me a purpose and an understanding that life is so much more than just about today.

I have come to accept that the questions I have may never get answered in this lifetime. But what I know is that God is good {Psalms 116:5}, He is on my side {Romans 8:31}, and He is who He says He is {Exodus 3:14}. And those promises are more than enough reason for this girl who has at times had...questionable faith.