Questionable Faith

Have you ever questioned what faith really is?

I have.

A few years ago I was on my way home from church. Something the preacher said left me feeling unsettled, anxious and questionable as to what I really believed. I tried to think things out but the more I thought, the more I realized how under developed my faith was. What did I believe?

For the next few months I began to seek faith with a very questionable spirit. I made appointments with ministers, read books, and talked to anyone who would listen to me about the questions I had. One night in particular, I found myself in a spiritual pit, trying to figure out who God was.

Do you want to know what my problem really was?

I didn't know God.

I knew the church, I knew what books said and I knew opinions of others but I really didn't know God.

I began digging in the Word for answers to my questions. Over time, I began to see an incredible picture of who God really is: loving, kind, good and filled with so much grace I almost couldn't stand it. Slowly my perception of God began to change. It was no longer this skewed image of a man sitting on a giant throne casting down judgment through strikes of lighting with his scepter.

Today I am at the point where God's given me a sense of belonging even when I'm rejected by the entire world. He's given me a purpose and an understanding that life is so much more than just about today.

I have come to accept that the questions I have may never get answered in this lifetime. But what I know is that God is good {Psalms 116:5}, He is on my side {Romans 8:31}, and He is who He says He is {Exodus 3:14}. And those promises are more than enough reason for this girl who has at times had...questionable faith.

The fat lady ain't singing.

Wait and Pray.

Do you ever get sick of hearing those words? I'm pretty over them myself.

Deep within the layers of my soul are many dreams, ambitions, and hopes for my life. But on top of those many layers are circumstances, fears, failures and problems that always seem to keep me from moving into the full potential for my life.

As a girl who constantly feels like I'm on the breaking edge of "something", my "something" seems to never come. I tend to bank on the tomorrows and always feel like when I'm falling behind, it's time to quit.
Not my finest qualities for sure.

The truth of the matter is, I get impatient. Some people just seem to have success naturally fall on them. I am not one of those people. And often after perusing a dream for so long or trying really hard to perfect something [with no success], I think it's over. Time to put that baby away.

Today, something inside of me tells me that God's heart aches to see us giving up so quickly. We knock on one door, it closes. We try another door and it doesn't open either. So we think God is finished and He would like us to put that dream away. We are wrong. Time is nothing to our God. And we have a lot of nerve to put Him within our box.

Because, I am sure you noticed that God seems to work very ill-logically. But somewhere in the midst of trying to figure out God we can lose our confidence in who He really is.

Hebrews 10:35 says, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded."

We really have the God-given right to have confidence in the dreams within our souls. If we really believe that God created us from the inside out then we have to trust that those passions will come to be - in His time and for His purpose.

So yes, wait and pray. But get ready. Because I got a feeling that God's asking us to dream again, to believe again, to ask the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" again.

I've heard the fat-lady sing but she isn't singing today. It's not over...it's only just begun

Completely Complete

I must admit that I spent a portion of my life trying to find someone to complete me. Most of my efforts centered around my relationships, particularly romantic ones.
This romanticized idea of someone completing us fits great in the context of a movie love story, but when it comes to real life, it's a really dangerous thing to believe.
Women are notorious for seeking out relationships with others who will make us feel more complete. We attempt this by changing who we are, talking differently, endorsing things we don't feel good about, and obsessively being available when we aren't.
I can't lie: I tried this. I waited by the phone for hours for someone to call. When he didn't, I felt incomplete.
This idea of completeness is possible...just not through human relationships, including marriage. A partner was meant to compliment, not complete another's life. Colossians 2:10 tells us about the only way completion is truly possible when it says: "and you are complete through your union with Christ."
I don't know what you've tried to find completeness. Maybe you are like me and sought it in your relationships. Or maybe you have never found it, yet you keep on searching. If you're looking for something needing no addition...nothing supplemental or extra, look no further.
You are complete in Jesus!