Choosing to Live by Faith.

I sat in the living room on the couch, staring at my bible and devotion, with a knot in my throat.
I knew what I needed to do, but I was afraid to do it. I didn't want to do it.
The Holy Spirit was impressing on my heart that I needed to call and forgive my father. I had cut off all contact 7 months ago.
It was he who continued to break promises to me time and time again!
It was he who decided to live his life and excluded me!
It was he who tried to harm me!
As I sat on my couch, I said something like this out loud to God, "He hurt me! I will not find him."
Like the loving Father that God is, I sensed Him whisper in my soul, "You hurt Me with your sin, Meghan, but I found you. I'm rich in mercy and I have made you alive with My Son Jesus, so you can forgive your father."
At that moment I had a choice: Would I live by faith or not?
To live by faith meant that I would extend the same forgiveness to my father that Jesus extended to me.
I sent a text to the number I had. Wrong number. Told them thank you and God Bless.
Then I told God... See I tried I have no other number and there is no point. God told me "Meghan, keep trying and don't give up." I sent a message to my Aunt. She gave me his correct number. Eventually I found him.
I hesitated. I got knots in my throat and stomach.. I prayed time and time again "Lord.. WHY... WHY now. What are you trying to teach me, what are you wanting me to say? "
A few days went by. The Lord pressed upon my heart what he was trying to do. "Meghan, you are to call him and let him know that no matter how he may never know how much he has hurt you or the pain he has caused you that you FORGIVE him, that you LOVE him but most of all that I LOVE him."
I called him.
2 Corinthians 2:10 came to my heart. "When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ's authority for your benefit." I finished telling him what I needed to say.... He told me "Thank you. You picked a heck of a time to call. I am supposed to be moving back soon.. (turns out he isn't, he got a job somewhere else), I am sorry if I ever hurt you and I love you."
I have only talked to him 1 time since.
I will see how this turns out. I am still not sure what the next step is, but I know that with timing God will tell.
I love him and he loves me, all because I chose to live by faith.